|Doug Church||Mark Lizotte||Greg LoPiccolo||Eric Brosius|
|Chris Carollo||Daniel Thron||Laura Baldwin||Sara Verrilli|
|Kate Jenkins||Robb Waters||Dorian Hart||Robotkid|
|Marc "Mahk" LeBlanc||Mike Ryan|
|Tom Leonard||Randy Smith|
|Mat MacKenzie||Tim Stellmach|
|Greg LoPiccolo will happily work for your lame company. He'd like $215,000.00/year, a bunch of stock, and a palatial office with big tropical-fish tanks set into the walls, like in James Bond movies. No fish, no deal. Also, he's really hard to get along with.|
Dear Mr. Headhunter:
|A trained retrovirologist, Laura is expecting to become a hot commodity when someone starts writing SimEpidemic.|
|Eric Brosius wants peace on Earth, and goodwill toward men.|
|Chris Carollo wants soup. Piping hot. And now! He's not foolin' around, Chester!|
|In addition to the
usual six-digit salary (of which no individual
digit should be less than 7), Dorian Hart would require the
following offered up to him as a condition of employment:
A Klein Bottle filled with a mixture of maple syrup and mercury; a chocolate-greased ham radio with sloth sauce* served in a pineapple syringe; the life of his dead uncle Charlie; a sealed packet of freeze-dried cumulonimbus; raisins; one of those new ultralite cars constructed of carbon fiber and lemon glaze; half a television frozen in a block of ice; the square root of -1; the Death Star; and the genetic matrix of an armadillo.
*if available, he'd prefer "Rainforest Ralph's Authentic Old-Tyme Sloth Sauce," for that original three-toed taste.
|Kate Jenkins won't work for you unless everyone in your company agrees to change their name to "Lloyd".|
|MAHK asks that prospective employers please send him three drops of their own blood, and a fountain pen.|
|Tom Leonard wants you to stop making that ruckus. He means it! He'll pull this Web browser over right now and you kids can just wait.|
|Mark Lizotte just wants everyone to stop making fun of him.|
|Mat MacKenzie wants a protoceratops for his morning commute, with one of those scrollwork leather saddles and 43 pounds of asparagus and fern fronds delivered for it promptly--promptly--every morning at sunrise.|
The demands are simple. I require the winged gargoyle that crouches upon the parapet atop Notre Dame. It's located just above the west Rose of Paris, on the left side. Deliver it undamaged.
Or if that's too difficult, grant me immortality, Anne Rice style.
Smith will be your honorable and loyal
servant provided you do the following two things:
|Tim Stellmach wants a harem of slave girls, a spirited horse, and a sword. Or, the crew of the Mary Celeste. Stuffed. (That's the crew, not the slave girls).|
wants to be paid entirely in waffles and
rich, buttery syrup.|
|Sara Verrilli wants an FTL ship and a couple of habitable planets to go with it.|
|Robb Waters demands to be immortalized through an action-figure line, as well as a accompanying action playsets.|
Robotkid wants new bionic arms, ears, eyes, and toes. (Or a chance to work on the new GODZILLA movie.)